January 9th, 2008
(episode 1 - February)
As I write this on December 31, 2007, staring straight at 2008 as the year when I really and truly, without a doubt, with steely resolve, finally lose weight and get in shape, I find myself sweating slightly, with an increased heart rate, at the mere thought of the pressure I’m about to put myself under. Good God, I’ve only to think about working out and I look like I just did.
I’ve made these resolutions so many times before that it seems almost laughable that I’m trying to do it once again. Yet I somehow talked Arleen Cauchi, the founder and owner of Boomer Fitness, into running this column monthly in the newsletter, thus documenting my failures whereas before my slips into semiconsciousness went unnoticed. My pledge seemed so benign and low key at the time. Now, as the bewitching hour approaches, it seems a much more vile notion and I find it difficult to type so eager am I to use my hands to call a time out.
In order to approach this with all the scientific aplomb of a Linus Pauling, I went to the gym today to weigh myself, so that I might have a statistical starting point, a basis by which to compare and contrast. Before I give you the results of that exercise (even a half step up onto the scales is, for me, exercise), I best prepare you for the numerical realities. I am 6’5”, very big boned and spent most of my life weight lifting to build up muscle mass for the many sports I pursued. I played hard, lived hard and left a sizable wake. I am now 57 and, for the past 10 years, have been limited in physical exercise by severely arthritic knees (one of which has been replaced), general malaise and overwhelming sedinterianitis. I now weigh … weight for it … 336 pounds. I guess that’s not so bad. It’s only 152 kilograms, 24 stone or, my favorite, 0.1524 metric tons. Nonetheless, clothing manufacturers off all sorts toast my girth, knowing not a single bolt will go unused and tentmakers smilingly search for new slogans.
It wasn’t always this way. I was never the fat kid growing up. I was active and ate like there was no tomorrow; during the Cuban Missile Crisis, that phrase took on new meaning. In high school, I was the starting quarterback on the football team and twice the most valuable player on the basketball team, making All-Northern California honors my senior year as well. In college at UCLA, I was a scholarship football player and the starting center on the freshmen basketball team the same year when Lew Alcindor (later Kareem Abdul Jabbar) was the starting varsity center. I took up the sport of team handball in the mid-70’s and was captain of our national team and won three national club titles in the sport, the last when I was 44. I ran almost daily and played in over-40’s basketball leagues. I continued to lift weights. And then the knees went and with them, my athletic will and discipline.
My dreams, however, have remained as active as ever and I find myself bouncing nightly o’r field and court, mountain and stream, able to leap tall buildings and score at will. My wife says that often she awakes to find me running somewhat in place and worries that I will scoot myself out of bed. I don’t think this is a case of Restless Leg Syndrome; I’ve been doing it for years now, long before the ads for whatever cures RLS ever appeared. Although I know I will never really return to the Fields of Competition, instead of dreams, I do wish to walk normally again, be able to bend over to pick up the paper in the morning without groaning, and, most of all, buy clothes without filing an Environmental Impact Report. I don’t ask for victory or accolades; I want only peace of mind, a relatively pain free life and a smile on my face when I step on the scales. My goal is to lose 75 pounds, which is, of course, only 34 kilograms, 5.3 stone, or the miniscule .034 metric tons. Why don’t you join me in my quest? Feel free to email me care of pr@boomerfitnessclubs.com and share your goals, your worries, your victories, your defeats. Along with the support of Arleen and Boomer Fitness, we can beat this thing and become bigger losers than anything network TV has to offer.
One last thing. The title of this column, as you astute readers ascertained by reading the byline, is called Fahi’s Fantasies. You can imagine what the fantasies are … fitness and weight loss. But just who or what is Fahi? Well, that’s me, my nickname on the national team handball team back in the late 70’s and early 80’s. Fahi is an acronym, standing for Fat As He Is. It’s a long story as to how and why I earned that sobriquet but suffice to say that it has served me well. Even when I was in my mid 40’s, when I scored a goal, the guys would say, “Damn, fat as he is”. Now, however, it’s time to send Fahi into retirement and comeback with a new handle. This time next year, I want to be known as Tahi. And I think you know what the “T” stands for.
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January 9th, 2008
Boomer Fitness is the smartest way to maintain your performance, no matter what your activity. Customized workouts focus on your own personal goals. Use this blog to share with others the success you’ve enjoyed from working out at Boomer Fitness Clubs.
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